The past few weeks ive been hurting so bad. Physiologically i've been completely numb. I'm not crying, and nope, i'm not depressed.. What i can attribute to this state has been my home life. Never before have i 'talked' openly about what goes on at home, i've always been one to keep things close to my chest - perhaps this may help clarify how a feel about a thing or two.
Being at home, i find it to be stressful, mundane, and above all: home lacks any form of positive interaction. Like (i assume) all homes, we argue, we do our own stuff, we have our own ways of doing things... The problem is, i can not honestly recall a day where all 5 members of the family have been at home, and an arguement of considerable intensity has NOT occured.
Its as if we need to argue for things to be normal around home. Health, mental states, union issues all play a part in causing the daily grind. Anger, hate, frustration, sorrow, incomprehension, confusion... The ramifications of feeling like this for more than 60% of my life obviously has an impact on the other 40%. In my state of self pity i cant help but draw comparisions with Bernard Marx.
How i long for a stable environment, where problem can be solve without hurting others feelings ( i guess where its ok to disagree), where we can work together as a unit. Perhaps its insecurity that bites me?
Posted by sleong at July 2, 2005 12:28 AM