April 10, 2005

Clubbing tips for Sydney

If you love to skip around like a kangaroo on heat, with sunnies on
(to avoid the harsh laser/strobe lighting) listening to doof, doof
music all night, go to The Globe, Home or Chinese Laundry.

If you think you are too cool for school or a bit of a glamour puss,
head to upstairs Cargo, Bungalow 8, The Loft or YU for instant street
cred. You will think you're so funky, no matter how much of a
wannabe-who-never-will-be you really are.

If you want to get laid by a cheap and easy backpacker, you're best
bet is the Coogee Bay Hotel or Shark Bar... only a short stroll away
from her hostel dorm room too, which is mighty convenient.


If you have no luck there head for the city and go to Scruffy
Murphy's, PJ OBRIEN's or any other pub with an Irish name.

If you want to try your luck competing with 30 something year olds for
some of that glamour tail, go to the Sackville or any other pub in
Balmain.

If action and a bit of blood is what you like, head down to the
Brooklyn Hotel (aka The Fight Club) or The Commercial at Parramatta
where you are always guaranteed to witness or be involved in a WWE
Smackdown style brawl.

If you're a wanker with money to match your inflated ego, suit up and
hit The Establishment, Horizons bar or Aqua Luna Bar where you'll have
no problems finding a young blonde 30 years your junior quite willing
to put up with your money.

If you're keen to see a first grade footballer off his chops at 6am on
a Sunday morning dazed and confused, look no further than The Empire
Hotel in Kings Cross.

If you are fresh of the boat from NZ or any other Pacific island, head
straight to "Burgundys" on level 3 of City RSL where you will feel
right at home amongst your coconut cousins. You will swear that this
is the choicest club you've ever been to bro!

If you wanna pick up within the first 10 minutes of arriving, you can
always try the vast array of easy chicks at St Pats, The Orient,
Jacksons on George, The Metropole or The Forbes.

For the young North Shore teens, Wallaby Bar or The Greenwood hotel
are the places to be seen. Make sure you're wearing your funkiest
threads, no matter how mismatched they may look. And be sure to return
daddy's BMW home safely and in one piece. If you're older than 20,
you're too old to be here.

If the line at Wallaby is too daunting for you try your luck
downstairs at Pontoon.

For the over 20 year old North Shore chums downstairs Cargo is your
graduation from Wallaby Bar, even when your 35! Here your guaranteed
to see everyone who used to go to Wallaby!

Now we all know that you can pretty much walk into any Sydney
nightclub and see Lebs - you just can't escape them! But for a truly
authentic Lebo experience, head to Rogues (Friday nights especially)
where you could find the habibi of your dreams. Special "cultural"
entertainment includes belly-dancers and wicked Arabic beats.

If you want to see the absolute scum of the earth - go to The Bridge
Hotel in Rozelle after 5am on a Sunday morning... it's a junkies
paradise.

If your extremely under age, try Goodbar on oxford street, where you
won't need your ID.

If you like to wear chambray shirts tucked neatly into your chino
pants with your brown leather "boat" shoes, and still "bond" with your
old private school mates, head to the Oaks in Neutral Bay or the
Golden Sheaf in Double Bay where you and your mates can talk rugby and
drink schooners til your heart's content. You beaut mate!

If you're the type of guy who loves to get his shirt off and strut his
newly waxed chest/back/abs on the podium, step this way for UN.

Yo Yo Yo... wassup! If you and your homeboys/girls wanna listen to
some phat-ass hip hop tunez, find yourself some chocolate lovin,

or just wanna hang out with a whole lot of ghetto superstar wannabes,
then the RnB SuperClub, Mocha, Mothership or Gas is the place for you.
Aiiiight!!

Posted by sleong at April 10, 2005 09:43 AM